Thursday, January 3, 2013

Sweetheart, Isn't it time you got organized?

This last weekend has to have been the ultimate test to my relationship. We made the leap, took the plunge, walked off the plank...we moved in! EEEEKKKK

It felt to me like I was in an episode of "Hoarders: The Beginning" if there was such a show. Honey likes to hold on to everything because one day he may use it again or it was a really good purchase, you know like 15 years the answering machine or the home phone (seriously I think our children didn't even recognize these things) but can we get rid of them? NO! why? Because one day they might make a resurgence. "That is the highest rated cordless phone ever made," he says, "we need THIS PHONE in case of emergencies," he explains.

I had never contemplated how very difficult merging two already set up households would be. I naively assumed that everything would go smoothly. He swore he had no attachments to anything, the decorating would be all mine and we could throw out or sell anything I didn't like. HA! hahahahahahahahaha.....and then I tried to throw out a movie ticket circa 1993 for Jurassic Park, when he lived in Germany. Seriously. How could he possibly remember doing that if we didn't keep it so every 20 years he could go back through everything and reminisce.  I am the kind of person that feels if its not being used its taking up space that can be empty, organized and clean. I have no need for the excess and everything has to be in its SPOT. Then there was the ex-wife. She was everywhere; every box, drawer, shelf, tub I opened contained more of "S": pictures, notes, cards. That was fun. Not.

We have never fought over so much and overall has left me feeling helpless, frustrated and insecure about our relationship. I literally cringe every time I come home and have to deal with half a garage packed full of crap we will never use or furniture shoved in every corner of the house. Its getting easier as things get put away but I sometimes wonder if its never ending. I know I haven't been nice to him these past few days. I allowed the stress to overcome my rational thinking and haven't showed him the love I feel for him and that he deserves and there were some points I was just plain mean. I am uber disappointed in myself because I didn't stop to think, compromise, explain myself (rationally) and be respectful. Logically  I know that stuff doesn't matter and none of this is worth fighting or getting upset over, but its like I couldn't help myself. Every new thing we unearthed was more cause for frustration, anxiety and bickering. I'm lucky he loves me and has been understanding of how hard this was for me. All I can do is apologize and with my actions show him how much he means to me and work together to figure this out and try not to let the clutter bother me...TRY :)