Death Becomes Us

I've had death on the brain for the last few days.

Yesterday was 12/12/12. The last triple digit date we will see in our lives because none of us will be here in 100 years. I thought of this this morning and became extremely saddened. In 100 years, none of this will matter. Who we are won't matter. We are just a moment in time, a spec on the grander scale of the universe.

I've been terrified of death or the death of a loved one for as long as I remember. After my car accident a few years ago, that fear has magnified. Mark Twain said that a man who fears death is a man who fears life. I try each day to embrace my life, live it to the fullest and be happy; yet I cannot get over the fear of losing all the beauty life has to offer. I think that maybe I am not afraid of death, but of loss. To never see anyone I love or cherish again. That is the fear, whether it is my death or theirs.

I've recently reconnected with an old friend, who while we were out of touch, lost her brother in a tragic accident. This was 9 months ago and the affects are still reeling though her entire family; none seem to be able to move on and overcome their grief. I struggle with what to tell her to ease her pain or make her feel more at peace; I've never felt more at a loss for words. I can't help her because my own fear grips me so tightly at experiencing the exact thing that she's feeling right now. How can I say "it will be OK,"  when I don't know if it can be? I think that if it were my little brother, my family would be ripped to shreds and I don't know how I would function. So instead, I pray for her peace of mind, a healing in her ripped soul. Someone out there, greater than I, is more equipped for this kind of pain.

As for me, I'll try to remember to live life to the fullest, appreciate every moment, love with all I have and experience life fearlessly and hope that when my time comes, I'll be ready and no longer afraid.